By Jonathan Klotz
| Published
Show of hands, who cheated while playing Battleship? If your hand is down, you’re lying. Cheating your friends playing Battleship is a rite of passage which is why, somehow, Hasbro thought it would be the perfect property to cash in on the rise of Transformers back in 2012. 14 years later and it’s one of the top streaming movies on Amazon Prime, finally achieving its destiny: guilty pleasure Dad movie.
Top Gun By Sea
You can tell Battleship is from the early 2010’s because it stars Taylor Kitsch back when Hollywood was trying to make him the next big action star. If John Carter received the support it needed, it could have worked, but instead he starred in one box office bomb after another through no fault of his own. As Naval Officer Alex Hopper, Kitsch does a great job channeling Tom Cruise’s Maverick in Battleship, right down to trying to impress the Admiral’s daughter.
Where Battleship gets weird is when the alien spaceships land and isolate Hawaii from the rest of the world under an impenetrable force field. That and the alien weapons look a lot like the pegs from the game Battleship. Outgunned, outmanned, and with no one coming to save them, it’s up to Alex to lead the survivors of the American and Japanese Pacific Fleets against the alien invasion. And by now you’re wondering how this corny sounding sci-fi movie is a massive streaming hit, well, it’s because of what comes next.
The Greatest Final Act In Movie History
For the entire first two-thirds of Battleship it’s an incredibly corny movie where everyone, from Liam Neeson as the Admiral to Jesse Plemons and Rami Malek as sailors, understood the assignment and is chewing up every bit of scenery. Then, with no ship left, Alex says “we have a battleship,” and the camera pans to the U.S.S. Missouri docked at Pearl Harbor. In case you’re wondering what makes this a modern classic Dad movie, it’s this scene. Get your parents, get your grandparents, have them watch the movie, and wait until they reach the Missouri.
Onboard the ship-turned-historical museum, the survivors have no idea how to run an analog, old-school ship. That’s when the veterans appear, one by one. Played by the real veterans of the Missouri and other ships of the era (there’s a U.S.S. Carolina cap in there too!), the veterans get to work teaching the kids how the ship works, all set to the sounds of AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck.” This is catnip for boomers, and if you know any old seaman who haven’t watched this, you owe it to them to share it.
Battleship Is A Streaming Success Wherever It Sails
Battleship may be one of the biggest box office flops in history, losing both Hasbro and Universal roughly $150 million each after earning only $300 million at the box office, which after theatrical cuts and marketing, wasn’t enough for anything resembling a profit. It’s also one of the greatest streaming success stories in history. Every time Battleship arrives on a streaming service, it’s in the top 10 for weeks. No one wants to admit they love this movie, but it’s okay, you can admit that once “Thunderstruck” hits you are locked in.
When the final battle hits, if you aren’t having the time of your life with Battleship, you don’t love movies. Find a boomer, sit down, stream it on Amazon Prime, and remember how much fun you can have when a movie doesn’t take itself seriously.
